The festive season, typically a period associated with good cheer and social events, can be particularly challenging for those who are grieving. Individuals coping with loss may find the Christmas holidays daunting, and difficult emotions heightened, as they struggle to come to terms with their “new normal”.
Ian, Sharon, Rona and Conor share some tools and strategies that can help Inverurie based grieving families better navigate the festive season without compromising their wellbeing.
Sharon: Put yourself first
“First and foremost, you need to be kind to yourself. This may mean saying no to social occasions or asking for help from friends and family.
“Your life has changed, and you are not expected to carry on traditions as you did previously.
“I recall a previous client telling me how taking greater control of their social life gave them peace of mind. Knowing they could simply say no to an invite, or could take time out if they became overwhelmed at an event was reassuring and took away some of the stress of the festive period.”
Conor: Grief isn’t an illness to cure
“Grief cannot be ‘fixed’, it is a journey to be travelled and one that does not have a clear endpoint. Even if the loss was some time ago, grief remains and can be triggered by significant events or occasions.
“Give yourself time and realise that everyone’s experience differs; what may have worked for someone else may not suit you. Be patient with yourself.”
Ian: Lower expectations of yourself
“Do not force yourself to embrace the festivities. It is ok not to send cards, decorate your house, or even put up a tree. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or exacerbates your sense of loss isn’t a priority.
“In our experience, friends and family will understand your decisions. And remember, it won’t always feel this way. Take baby steps until you feel ready.”
Rona: Take time to heal
“The festive period can be overwhelming for all of us, and particularly so for those coping with loss. Take time for yourself and step away from the celebrations when needed – they will be there next year.
“What is most important is that you give yourself room to rest and look after yourself. Duvet days were invented for a reason.”
Ian: Explore the new normal
“Creating new traditions, when you feel ready to do so, can be a way to help come to terms with the “new normal” and create positive memories with which to move forward.
“I remember a grieving husband told me how he would organise a trip around Hogmanay. New Years Eve had always been spent with his wife, so actively making plans avoided him spending the time alone.
“While the memory of the loved one will never be forgotten, solace can be taken in carving out different traditions during the festive season.”
Tips for Friends and Family
And for those of us hosting someone who is grieving? The team suggest offering support, a listening ear, patience and love.
Sharon: “If appropriate, gently ask how their loved one can be included. For example, perhaps they feel comfortable with raising a toast to the deceased.”
“It’s also important to include bereaved friends in plans but respect their need for flexibility. They may decline last minute, leave mid-way through the event, or not be able to RSVP right away – be prepared for these eventualities.”
Rona: “Follow up afterwards. Just because Christmas is over, doesn’t mean their pain has gone away. Check-in regularly to see how they are doing and what you can do to support them.
Conor: “Remember to keep on caring. Continue to follow up with your loved ones and do not assume their grief has a time limit.”
If you are struggling with grief and would benefit from bereavement support, Eric Massie can sign post you to specialist help and in branch, offers free resources for families to take away.
